Armenians Gather to Protest Being Labelled Filthy

On the evening of January 8th 2018, Comedian and host of The Daily Show, Trevor Noah was accused of referring to Armenians as “filthy” in a joke made during his show.

The Glendale Police department were immediately notified.

Officers spoke to eye witnesses who confirmed they had not seen anything because the punchline had gone over their head. 

However, news of Armenians being un-clean had already begun circulating on social media. Protest groups were quick to mobilize.

A spokesman for the Armenian Bureau of Outlandish Demands stated that they would like Trevor Noah to apologize, resign as host and spend 40 days and 40 nights in solitary confinement in Khor Virap, a monastery located near Ararat province, Armenia.

Congregating outside a nearby large building, between 700 - 900 Armenian demonstrators turned up with placards demanding an immediate apology.

“Let’s get one thing straight - we’re not filthy. Everyone know’s we’re the cleanest of them all” said Hayk Jemikyan, a local sunflower seed shell distributor.

Eliza Demurjian, president of the Mass-Makoor Guild of America, a private members' club founded in Boston in 1901 for clean-minded Armenian individuals, had flown over especially for the protests accompanied by a 25 person-strong team. 

“We strongly dispute these false charges and are here because we feel we've been heavily slandered.”

Annabel Sarkissian, a member for 22 years, proceeded to show bystanders photographs of the interior of her home on her iPad. One taken at 9am, midday and 10pm in the evening.

“Look, it’s clean. Morning, noon, night, always spotless.”

Nearby Armenian residents who were previously unaware of the accusations were encouraged to open their front doors to allow curious by-passers to go inside and inspect their immaculate premises. 

Eddie Tabakyan, a local backgammon player was keen to invite people in for a guided tour of his home.

Visitors were shown the living room, bathroom, kitchen and the garage where an ad-hoc dinner buffet had been set up, serving a variety of Armenian finger foods to guests. 

Mr. Tabakyan later sat for an interview on his plastic wrapped sofa, but as his wife was vacuuming nearby at the time, his statement was indecipherable. 

The majority of visitors agreed that the home was immaculate, however one individual (who wishes to remain anonymous) did raise concerns about a dog on the premises.

“There was a dog sat at the dinner table eating stuffed grape leaves with yogurt. This made me feel a little uneasy.”

Mr.Tabakyan later voiced his displeasure at these comments, stating that as the dog is a Maltese-Poodle mix, doesn’t smell or shed, was welcome at their dinner table on special occasions.

Demonstrators began to disperse later that night, but more protests are expected to take place online. 

Trevor Noah has been unavailable for comment, but sources close to the TV host state that he is aware that Armenia was the first Christian nation on earth and that Winston Churchill’s favourite drink was Ararat Brandy. 

This story will be updated as more information is made available.