BREAKING: On Wednesday afternoon, proud owner of Azerbaijan, Ilham Aliyev returned to this Baku apartment to find an Armenian apricot on his kitchen counter.
Aliyev had just returned home from surfing in the Caspian Sea, when he came face to face with his least favorite fruit.
The president's security team advised Mr. Aliyev’s personal assistant to taste the Apricot to verify its potential danger.
Dmitri Pampushki who has been assisting President Aliyev with various small tasks since 2018, confirmed that the apricot tasted delicious, therefore must be Armenian.
Mr. Aliyev reportedly fled the scene and did not return in time for his dinner later that evening.
Sources close to President Aliyev have suggested his fear of apricots stem from childhood, when he ate an apricot that tasted like shit.
Azerbaijan police are currently not treating the situation as a serious threat, but officials stated that any future attempts to offer President Aliyev Armenian apricots will result in life imprisonment with no chance of parole.
Report by Ara the Rat On The Ground Reporter.
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